My Conversations with Me

Alchemy's First Law

2009-05-15T06:26:00.000-07:00

Alchemy...it is the science that is governed by the principle of understanding a material, its degradation and to rebuild it into another form. It is the most advanced science in the academic world. However, alchemy is governed by the theory of "Equivalent Exchange" – to obtain anything, something of equal value must be lost.

Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is alchemy's first law of Equivalent Exchange.

Fullmetal Alchemist

Journey

2009-03-26T21:37:00.000-07:00

The journey we have travelled has been long and weary. Our senses have long been numbed and grew insensitive over time of what awaits across the frosty desert. The wind blows in a peculiar way unlike the cool sea breeze in the Caribbean. Thirsty we have been with shivering knees, dragging through the sands our swollen feet, the unwinding foot steps we left behind now haunts us forever still. Across mountainous dunes we walked like gypsies as the ghosts' howls deafened our ears past the ridges of life and death. The moon long ago has hidden itself from the wickedness of the stars above and the skies have long been dark and dull forever losing its glory. We had hoped dawn would be nearing to give us a glimpse of hope but to our dismay it would for eternity never materialize. Time no longer meant anything for the suffering we have is tremendously unbearable beyond the likes of this accursed world. The little sanity left within these flesh are just barely enough to comprehend the darkness that had enveloped this world. We can no longer escape the shackles that bind us to the raging inferno. Forward we march, step by step deeper to the unknown abyss forever in chaos and disarray. We hope one day will come and the journey we have taken will soon be perhaps at an end but we doubt it would ever happen. Long before had our tears dried up from the scourging menace of this unmerciful desert. The burden we carry from our forefathers i fear would soon be taken by our sons and future generations to come never ending till the end of time. We are for eternity bound to the captivity and forever marked through the blood in our veins.

The Fallen

2009-03-26T07:58:00.000-07:00

However great human desire is, the fall we get for the inevitability always seems to follow through. Try and try as we might, our efforts are futile for the path has already been long decided. It is not our bidding and yet the outcome seems irrelevant of our original intentions. The purity that long before we had in possession has long been tainted by our own doings. Our luck have long dried up with our soul while fate cold as it is, already took its own wheels ahead us. A great catastrophe beyond comprehension is drawing near. Fear is drowning our breath for we have lost the courage to fight knowing the inevitability. We sleep, our eyes shut with fear of the knowledge of the incoming horror. A tale is about to end as stories are told for the young ones to sleep. Hope easily dies as the grasses in the meadows wither. We ask for a saviour, a redeemer to restore the glory we once had and yet there is nothing but darkness and more disappointments. We all succumbed to the wretchedness of faulty human hearts tarnishing its very essence. The smell of intoxication long before had taken a toll on our senses, making us dull and much more insensitive of what dwells around us. The cure for such disturbance is an outright impossibility. We, the fallen is far beyond the reach of whatever life has to offer at its best. We who have crossed the frontiers are far beyond reach for any kind of assitance. But for someone who still possess a little spark of magic, miracles do happen sometimes and it changes everything. Who knows, we the fallen could still be saved by such a rare occurence we call fiction.

Goodbye

2008-02-07T04:18:00.000-08:00

Loving you was quite a pain but parting was even more painful. I couldn't have thought that this day would come. The day that I would bid my goodbyes to you. I hope that some time in our next life we would meet again. Not ending up like this but having the smile to move on forward. You brought me sunshine out of nowhere but left me with clouds, raining over my rolling eyes. It was quite fun though i never thought of getting hurt. It seems we were never meant to be together. How sad, it is rather unfortunate ending up like this. I look up in the skies asking questions where I went wrong. Was he a better man than me? The sun is setting down over the horizon as the moon smiles up together with the stars. At last I was finally asleep, away from all the miseries you have brought along. I woke up all alone again. You were finally gone. Goodbye, goodbye my valentine.

Memoirs

2008-02-06T05:47:00.000-08:00

I have always liked you since then. I'm sorry, I was so afraid to tell you what I felt. I was never able to confess to you. I always lacked the courage to do so. I am confused, this new emotion that I have never felt before has overwhelmed me. I chickened out fearing rejection. I couldn't allow myself to lose our friendship for naught. You are so great while I am just no one. You have everything, I have nothing only this heart of mine to offer. It always felt awkward for me. You are beyond my reach, so far yet it seems to be so near. It just happened that I was too late. I woke up too late in a reality without you. Before I let go, please let me speak the words I was never able to utter. Please let me try to tell you for this one last time. I like you. I like you. I like you. Goodnight my dear old friend. I hope this time, I could have my heart at ease again.

Elbert Hubbard

2008-02-05T05:13:00.000-08:00

"Every man is a damn fool for at least five minutes every day; wisdom consists in not exceeding the limit."

A Worthless Poem about Love

2008-02-05T05:09:00.000-08:00

i'm so afraid that i'll fall in love
fearing that i would end up being hurt
but why is it that when i see you
my heart ends up beating fast
i couldn't help myself thinking
how stupid could i have been
not to realize that i have fallen
but it is already too late for that
your heart will never be forever mine
for you have given it to someone else
there is no one to be blamed but me
i just can't stop this feeling
the longings that i have for you
you have always been there but i wasn't
and now your gone i'm just nobody
seeing you from the distance tightens my heart
knowing you has always been the best
and yet i have to let go of you
for i don't want to cry anymore
i just want you at least to know
that i indeed truly like you

Missing

2008-02-05T04:46:00.000-08:00

Have you ever felt that there was something missing but you have no idea what it was. We seek answers but we only find more questions not to enlighten but to trouble us more. The vicious cycle never ends as the sun rises from east to west. A part not simply forgotten but completely lost forever not knowing what really it was. I just couldn't help myself wonder how stupid I was or I am. Still memories fade like life as time continues to pour each second, each minute, each hour and each day as we continue to grow older and older. The fire within we call life slowly extinguishes until it is no more. The journey to my never ending quest has yet to begin. What I seek I do not know but I certainly do know that it was part of the past that I took for granted not realizing its true value. I have made a lot of mistakes, for each there is a high price to pay. I only hope that someday along the road I might stumble upon a devious rock that we call opportunity. Perhaps a second chance is still possible for a stubborn fool like me.

Love

2008-02-05T04:44:00.000-08:00

I can not still fully grasp the true meaning of love(a strong positive emotion of regard and affection). It remains to be elusive. It varies with man's perspective. It blinds reason corrupting humanity. It taints not the heart but the minds of mortals. It saps the essence of what we call life. Indeed it is a plague that haunts us through the pages of history sending mankind into the abyss. Love is nothing more than a mere concept created by man to suit their own ends.

Lost

2008-02-05T04:38:00.000-08:00

I want to smile but I don't know how. I have forgotten how. I wonder why without realizing until now. I found out I have lost something. I don't know how. I am too afraid to know what it seems too valuable. My heart aches. It troubles my mind filled with pain, suffering is inevitable. I want to cry but I do not know how. Fallen, I search day and night. But to regain what has been lost seems impossible. Filled with grief and sorrow, alone, blinded by the dark, isolated from the world, silence deafens my ears. Speechless I am as I forever await hoping. I am a fool, stubborn and arrogant, perhaps a dreamer. In the end, all is lost. No matter what is yet to be done, destiny has already decided. What I fear most has consumed me in total darkness beyond any help forever lost.

Doom

2008-02-05T04:29:00.000-08:00

Is there a hope for someone who is lost? Is there a chance to redeem a fallen soul wretched corrupted for all eternity? Is there a place where one can spend a single second not experiencing pain suffering and agony? Why do everyone wishes to trouble the mind of a troubled man? Is there no way to escape the inescapable destiny? Time continues to flow amidst the chaos that surrounds man. Life will go on as long as there is a will but is will something that everyone has? Truly, everyone desires what they will never have. Everyone will steal for the sake that it will bring glory and joy to their burning souls. What is the purpose of living if you are already dead a long time ago? What is the point of continuing a quest that will never end, a journey encircling life and death without end. What do you wish to accomplish? In the end victory are only the dreams of losers for no one will ever be victorious. There is nothing here in this world that will satisfy your earthly desires. The mind is a powerful tool. To desire is human nature, to believe makes us man. Your time may end in a brink as the sand flows out. Can you not see the future? What lies behind the curtain is nothing but a fools imagination. Life is unpleasant but it is pleasant. The existence of one results to the existence of the other. But without the one true thing, one can never know. Truth are told as lies unfold. What is true may not be the truth for no one knows what lies in the abyss. No one can tell what really is coming. Everything is a dark mass of an unending unknown to everyone. Alas, darkness shall slowly envelope this world and everything we once believe shall be consumed by the very darkness we have created within us. Alas, doom is coming.

Regrets

2008-02-05T04:17:00.000-08:00

There is no doubt that i have failed myself, but the worst part is in doing so i have failed those who kept their hopes within me. For someone like me who has lost hope, living every moment full of regrets, the bitterness of pain devouring every second, sadness slowly sipping every bit of life. I can not imagine it is lonely indeed to watch yourself behind the mirror without realizing i have built an impenetrable barrier around me. A barrier that would shield me from life's misfortunes. However, it came with a certain price i wasn't aware to begin with. A price that even a king's ransom is not even enough to pay its interest. As a matter of fact, it didn't help me either but made things worst. It would be a lie for me to deny that for countless times i have felt betrayed by people whom for once i have considered as a friend. Others may never be aware of my unpleasant experiences, for it is somewhat responsible for who i am now being protective and wary whom to consider a friend. Fortunate are those some because my trust to them would forever be absolute. In the end, I'm just like those nameless faces in the mist forever awaiting to be free from this bondage. Perhaps this is what we call life. In the end without realizing, I am left with nothing but emptiness and hollowness. Come to think of it, I haven't been truly happy for ages. I have truly lost how it is to smile and laugh with my heart. Perhaps this is the price I have to pay for the crimes and atrocities that I have done. Forever will the past hunt until what was wrongfully done be rectified.